With how much fun collecting GI Joe can be, I sometimes forget about the little oddball figures that really just aren’t up to par. There’s some obvious choices that could be considered worse than these, but I wanted to avoid going for cheap-shots like Armor Tech figures. So without further ado, here’s ten figures I’ve acquired that are really bad.
10. Flaming M.O.T.H Chuckles
What a surprise, a figure from the official GI Joe collector’s club. Usually these guys are a little more on point, but this figure serves almost no purpose. It’s sad because a set of collectors have always mocked Chuckle’s classic attire and it would have been a great chance for them to release the character in a more grounded looking outfit. Instead, they chose to recreate his classic look, only from the very buff Heavy Duty mold. Really?
I’m a fan of the outlandish side of GI Joe, but this guy does some things wrong. First, he suffers from the same obtrusive gimmicks many of the Ninja Force figures suffered, restricting his torso articulation. His color scheme is rather ugly and makes me think of Dr. Fate if he were a luchador. The tiger mask comes off as chintzy, as do his bright blue parts. His bio also mentions he’s taken a vow of silence … Because that’s very original when it comes to GI Joe, isn’t it?
8. Dr. Link Talbot
This one makes me pretty sad honestly. Link is actually a pretty decent character with a unique specialty as a veterinarian. Neither version of this figure includes any sort of animal however, which is a huge missed opportunity. The figure really doesn’t include any sort of nice parts. His sculpt and overall design are both extremely boring, featuring minimal gear and equipment. What you end up with is a cool character represented by two toys that are highly lackluster.
7. Funskool Barbecue
Funskool has been known for making a lot of cool and strange little variants during their run with GI Joe. With this one, I sadly can find no place for him. Normal Funskool Barbecue figures came with a yellow mask that was at least slightly more attractive looking, but this variant replaces that color with flesh-tone. It’s so ugly! It goes a long way to make a mediocre figure simply inferior. For added insult, some of these were shipped as random vehicle drivers with no parts, such as this figure.
Aspects of Windmill seem like the makings of an average Joe pilot, but the execution on this one comes off so bad. I have no problem with bright colors, but the way this figure mixes orange with bright green makes him hard to look at. His head sculpt irritates me too, what’s up with the cat ears? To round it all off check the size of that revolver of his, that thing is HUGE.
5. Long Range
This figure might have made an alright Iron Grenadier in different colors, or with a little paint. As he is, this figure truly puzzles me with what he’s supposed to look like. He features almost no paint and is cast in an ugly, prototype gray color. His helmet is goofy looking, and even the small pistol he includes leaves much to be desired.
4. 1997 Duke
1997 was another strange time for GI Joe. While many nice repaints came out during this year, the figures were plagued with quality issues. This Duke has said issues as well, but is also just a terrible looking figure! Albeit, he does brandish a nice amount of paint applications, they’re all so random. Why is Duke’s hair brown? Why are his shoes red? And, of all things why would they paint his pockets and not the flesh colored watch on his wrist?
3. 1993 Muskrat
What on earth … this Muskrat is a strange and terrible figure that makes no sense at all. His colors are incohesive with a navy blue, orange and some sandy color. His sculpt has terrible proportions, just look how low his arms sit on his shoulders. He also features one of the most mind-boggling launcher accessories in the entire line. It’s a missile launcher that mounts on his helmet. Screw practicality, it’s not even cool looking.
2. Wild Card
Not only does Wild Card have a bizarre appearance for a Joe, he also offers very little as a figure. He brings little in terms of sculpted detail, and his head is extremely generic. He looks almost just like every other mustached GI Joe. Sadly his generic head sculpt is one of the better things about this figure, when the rest of him is both so random and bland at the same time. I think he looks like a homeless guy to be honest.
1. 25th Anniversary Gung-Ho
25th figures are easy to pick on because so many of them haven’t aged well, but let’s face it: Gung-Ho was bad even when the figure first came out and everyone was hyped for the new construction. That alone says a lot, but in my observation this is the worst Modern Era figure to date. First, the figure features a bland deco with a horrendous, zombified looking skin tone. As you can imagine, the figure is as narrowly articulated as the other original 25th figures, Gung-Ho’s arms barely bend 45 degrees at the elbows. He has an awkward neckline that looks awful at even the slightest profile view. His cap doesn’t feature a marine logo, but instead an anchor in its place. His legs had a universal problem of being extremely loose and flopping all over the place. Oh, and lastly I almost forgot his grenade launcher, the one almost no figure can hold and won’t stay together at all.
Disagree with my picks? Sound off @MW_Nekoman on twitter.