2004 Crimson Guard

Posted on January 25, 2022 by mwnekoman

2004 Crimson Guard

There’s a lot of bad you can say now about 2000‘s GI Joe toys. Namely, the sculpts are weird, the plastics are degrading, and many other design choices were flawed, to put it lightly. Still, there was something highly appealing about having GI Joe figures at easy access, and even a wonky figure like the 2004 Crimson Guard was pretty cool, if only for being a Crimson Guard that was cheap and kind of easy to get.

Something that’s characterized my collecting habits over the years, is that I’ve never had a lot of money to spend on figures. Mind you, this is partly because I never really “grew out” of toys, in the way that most teens do, so much of my early years collecting vintage was done with jobless teenager money. This relates to my view on a lot of 2000‘s GI Joes, where figures like this Crimson Guard had long gone out of fashion with mainstream collectors, and provided a nice, cheap alternative to the pricey ‘85 figure. One of the nice things about the GI Joe fandom being dominated by flavor-of-the-week trend chasers, is that you can get some fun toys cheaply once they’re not cool anymore, as long as you’re a little open.

It goes without saying that this version pales in comparison to the 1985 Crimson Guard, though, it’s still fun in it’s own right. The removable helmet gimmick is poorly done, and features two main issues: the head cannot look left or right and the helmet is awkwardly large. The former issue is hard to forgive, but the later isn’t so bad, as they look fine around a lot of ‘86 Cobras who had similarly huge noggins. The head sculpt is also quite nice, and I’m tempted to call it one of the best 2000‘s heads.

Another huge issue with this figure, is the usage of ‘92 Duke biceps, with ‘92 Shockwave lower arms. It looks completely out of place, and limits the figure’s articulation by a solid amount. What’s even more frustrating, is the amount of alternatives that might’ve been preferable to these overly thick arms. Call me crazy, but I’d go as far as to say ‘83 Gung-Ho arms would’ve been nicer than what they went with. Painted-on gloves might be weird, but the toy would be more functional, and it wouldn’t have been as bad as painted-on sleeves like most Duke’s of the time had.

There’s basically three releases of this figure from around the same time, which you’ll see get used interchangeably in the photos on this post. The first is Agent Faces, who has an orange sigil and a Duke head; the 2004 Crimson Sabotage release, which features a different marking on the arm, and the new head; followed by the focus of this profile, the 2004 release in the TRU Crimson Guard Force set. For the most part, the releases all look the same, with the exception of this figure’s gold Cobra sigil.

For parts, you got a generic 2000‘s customized M4, a ‘91 Dusty backpack, and a helmet. Pretty scant, and a terrible stand-in for the fantastic parts from the original figure. I suppose the Dusty backpack makes them look a little more combat oriented, but it doesn’t suit them well at all. Pretty sure the M4 was just a lazy toss-in too, but if you wanted to give them the benefit of a doubt, maybe it was a reference to how the original Crimson Guard’s gun reused a portion of the sculpt from Airborne’s gun, which was also an M4? It’s lame either way.

Sadly, the days of easily buying these for small amounts of change seems to have long come and gone. They’re still only worth around $13, but you don’t see them so often, not priced like that anyways. Used to, you could easily get this figure for $5, maybe $8 at most, and they were very common. At a higher price though, I feel their flaws are too pronounced compared to a V1 Crimson Guard or a Black Major one.

2004 Crimson Guard Links:

Forgotten Figures

Half the Battle

Funskool Captain Gridiron

Posted on January 18, 2022 by mwnekoman

Funskool Captain Gridiron

Paraphrasing something RTG told me once, even a bad GI Joe figure, it still a good action figure regardless. I think that’s true, and I also think it applies pretty strongly to Captain Gridiron. I actually find it strange that Captain Gridiron isn’t more maligned by the GI Joe community, as while I’ve seen countless jokes pointed at Ice Cream Soldier or ‘85 Bazooka’s shirt, Gridiron probably doesn’t get the grief he deserves. I don’t outright hate him, but he’s incredibly hard to take seriously.

The 1990 GI Joe line-up was pretty fantastic, you had great figures like Topside or Rampart. And silly sports-centric figures, aren’t new to GI Joe either, even with oddballs I’ve liked in the past, like Hardball. Then you’ve got Captain Gridiron, who’s just… inherently silly. I think ever since I was a kid, I’ve been very sensitive to characters that felt like they’re making fun of my intelligence (whether that’s intentional or perceived) and Captain Gridiron has always made me feel that way, maybe more than any other GI Joe figure. It’s difficult to describe what makes me feel this way, but it’s a lifelong viewpoint I’ve had, and it’s shaped my distaste for certain brands; I like my toys to take themselves seriously.

There’s a few factors that differentiate Captain Gridiron from other silly GI Joe figures. The main aspect I see, is that other figures like Hardball, are more earnest in their approach to being a soldier toy with a sports theme, compared to Gridiron, who’s completely over-the-top and is more so rubbing your nose in it. Comparing him to another silly figure, Raptor, I can at least take Raptor a little bit seriously, because that figure is earnest in it’s approach to being a villain, even if the animal motif requires some suspension of disbelief. Gridiron on the other hand, is fundamentally a neon football player with football themed weapons and gear, which is something I have trouble looking past.

Putting all of that aside, he’s an okay figure quality wise, and something that’s extra strange when you own the Funskool version like I do. I got this figure sometime just before prices started to skyrocket on Funskool Joes, and I think the only reason I got him was that I had enough of a notion that prices were going up, that I knew there would be no way I’d bother with him again at a later date.

He’s got the sculpting quality you’d expect from a GI Joe toy, and the sports theme doesn’t do much to get in the way of that. There’s enough detail here like the ribbing on his sleeves or the zippers on his vest that it provides an amount of redemption for an otherwise questionable character. Overall though, I’m tempted to say he looks kind of boring, and the hard-points for his football-grenades really takes away from the look of his leg sculpt. Can’t say I’m sad he never got a repaint besides this one.

The Hasbro release actually had some decent colors, featuring two shades of green and yellow that overlaps with a few contemporaries like Scoop. Funskool turned the colors up to eleven though, giving him more yellow and making his pants orange, notably. There’s also a few other odd differences, like his hair being black now or his vest being a much darker green, gray details were replaced with silver. Among Funskool figures, this one’s more on the unique end.

I hate his parts. Captain Gridiron comes with a rifle, four missiles, two football grenades, two clip-on arm pads, backpack and a helmet with visor. This Funskool version comes with all of the same gear as Hasbro’s, save for the pistol and an extra football, but in different colors. It’s actually a solid upgrade, since now his rifle is made of black plastic, while the missiles are a contrasting orange color. The clear visor on his helmet is a nice touch, but I hate how the helmet looks, and rifle just looks like garbage; easily one of the worst ARAH guns. The football grenades are part of what makes his motif seem so overbearing, and lastly, you’ve got his arm pads, which just seems like a toss-in. It’s amazing he has so many parts and all of them seem to only lessen my opinion of the figure, but I guess that’s just how it is.

Like I expected, Funskool Gridiron’s have become hard to find… for a fair price. There’s a bunch of nutters trying to hawk this figure for $100 at any given time, which should clue you in on how rare he is (hint: he’s common), but he’s certainly not worth that much. This is a figure people could not give away years ago, and is still very common. I expect an auction would only fetch between $20 to $30, and even that is way more than this figure’s worth.

Funskool Captain Gridiron Links:

Joe A Day

Funskool Rony

2000 Major Bludd

Posted on January 11, 2022 by mwnekoman

2000 Major Bludd

I really like Major Bludd, he’s a fun character, and most of his toys are good (with the exception of 25th Major Bludd. That one’s really bad!). But writing about Major Bludd toys as too much of a regular occurrence could make my blog a bit tedious. Though, nothing else really strikes my fancy at the moment, so I figure I might as well profile another one.

I got this figure in a lot sometime in either ‘09 or ‘10, for peanuts. At the time, I already had an ‘83 Bludd, so I didn’t have a lot of need for this one. Though, there was some novelty in having a brown version that can bend both of his arms, he was always overshadowed by the cadre of other ARAHC figures I found more interesting at the time. I really regretted missing out on the ARAHC line when I was a kid, so I when I started buying figures loose, I found it exciting to track these down for relatively low amounts of money. Despite that, I’ve tended to find my ambivalence to this figure has become a pattern relative to the entire series, where most of the toys are nice, but usually get out-shinned by something similar from another year.

2000 Major Bludd is an odd duck, because the truth is he’s a pretty alright looking figure. The problem he runs into though, is just that there’s so many other Major Bludds that do the same thing, better. When I say that, I’m mainly talking about Chinese Major Bludd, which has the same head and similar colors, but with a more interesting selection of body parts. Were it not for that figure, this would probably be the best toy of Major Bludd.

Normally it’s a nice thing when you get a subdued repaint of a neon-90‘s toy like Super Sonic Fighters Major Bludd, but, that figure already came in great colors, featuring primarily dark blue with some yellow details. It’s hard to call this one superior because of that. That doesn’t make him bad either, it’s just the other toys seem to invalidate him a bit. I also think the deco suffers from being rather flat, as he doesn’t have any of the green details you saw on the ‘83 figure.

The only part besides a figure stand included here, was his original double-barreled laser rifle, now in black. A little creativity from Hasbro could’ve gone a long way to make his parts more interesting, but that’s a funny thing to complain about, since this section is where I normally complain about the superficial inclusion of Rock Viper rifles and SAW Viper backpacks with 2000‘s figures. This little gun’s not that bad, and it’s nice to have it in black too, as I could imagine it looking good with a few of Cobra’s sillier characters like Overkill or Mindbender. It’s just not great with Major Bludd.

It’s not every day you find one of these being left to open pricing, but it’s regular enough you can get a BiN for $8 or less. Carded sets with the Rock Viper (Range Viper), go for as little as $10, which is probably a better value. There’s so many Major Bludd’s to choose from, it’s really hard to say anyone needs this one. Despite that, it’s a relatively solid figure, and represents ol’ Sebastian well enough. I also realized Chinese Bludd’s have become a lot harder to get, so in lieu of that one, this one’s probably become a good option again.

2000 Major Bludd Links:

Forgottten Figures

1985 Dusty

Posted on January 4, 2022 by mwnekoman

1985 Dusty

I think in all 12 years of ARAH, 1985 was probably the best year in the entire run. I think it represents the precipice of the 80‘s, building off what made ‘84 great, but just before the downward slide into goofy characters and iffy sculpting you saw in ‘86 and ‘87. In 1985, you had a wide-variety of specialist who were simple, yet distinct and highly detailed, well exemplified in Dusty.

I should have it out for Dusty, because I don’t tend to like desert troopers all that much. As an environment, I don’t tend to find deserts all that interesting, and I personally find them difficult to simulate for dioramas. But Dusty’s a fine figure like all of his contemporaries, so much so that he demands usage just to highlight the quality of his sculpt.

Dusty’s mold is great. It’s a simple looking outfit that’s brought to life by the details of his pouches, zippers and fabric folds. To top it off, Dusty is one of the rare GI Joe figures that utilized fabric for the back of his helmet. The only thing I tend to dislike about Dusty as a sculpt, is his goofy looking face. The camouflage does well to hide it, but his head is a little bulbous and his expression reminds me of some kind of Fisherprice Adventure People figure. The later 1991 Dusty really won out over this one for having a sharp head sculpt.

The colors are very nice on Dusty, too. The figure is cast solidly in khaki plastic, with brown camouflage adorning his entire outfit. His straps, goggles and boots are painted black, and he features a nicely detailed flag-patch above his right breast pocket. A very nice color scheme, though weirdly, there never really was another desert-camo figure that exactly matched with him. In some ways I like that he’s unique, but in others, I sort of with I had a Dusty that matched better with tan-Grunt and Mission Brazil Leatherneck.

Dusty’s parts are classic, though I myself have never owned his FAMAS. He came with the aforementioned rifle, a bipod, and a backpack. I think the FAMAS has become a lot more mainstream in recent years, but I’m not sure how common you saw it in media from the 80‘s, I think it’s an interesting choice that they went with. Dusty’s backpack saw a decent amount of early reuse, and came with Red Dog, as well as Dusty’s Tiger Force repaint, followed by several different colorations in the 2000‘s. That’s sort of neat, though this backpack is a little bulky and probably not my favorite sculpt from the period.

V1 Dusty’s aren’t pricing very consistently at the moment. Complete figures can be had for around $30, and ones missing the bipod are trending around $15. A random auction seems to shoot to the moon every now and then, but overall he prices similarly to a few other ‘85 and ‘86 figures. Despite the quality present here, I think he’s a figure that’s going for too much at the moment, especially for incomplete examples.