1993 Cobra Commander

Posted on January 16, 2023 by mwnekoman

1993 Cobra Commander

Cobra Commander figures are something I have a ton of, and that’s not something I mind too much either. For all I care, the Joes can be led by Duke, Falcon, Sgt. Slaughter or Captain Gridiron, but the main gist of this conflict centers around Cobra Commander, which makes him less interchangeable. Still, because I have all of these Cobra Commanders, I’ve often times contemplated them as secretly being different people, like Fred VII, though really that’s just an odd way of trying to rationalize having so many toys of essentially the same guy. Anyways, the Battle Corps one is really cool, like half of the others.

So as I’ve mentioned before, most of the Joes I played with as a kid were ones I knew from my brother’s collection of ‘89 through ‘94 figures (although, I did have my own small collection of ‘93 and ‘94 guys). With that in mind, I was more dismissive of some of the crazier redesigns back then than I am now, as I didn’t really have much passion for neon toys that didn’t resemble anything I’d see in a Sunbow rerun. This Cobra Commander was different though, as not only did he look enough like a Sunbow Cobra Commander, the black and silver made him arguably look better. To this day, he holds up as a favorite, but I have a lot of favorite Cobra Commanders, so I haven’t used him all that much despite that.

As a repaint/retool of the Talking Battle Commanders mold, it’s a sculpt that works pretty well. It’s a much more regal design than the V1 sculpt, very similar to a Crimson Guard, which adds a bit of consistency I like. He’s a noticeably bulky figure, but it works well here to give him more presence. Generally, I find it somewhat odd how Cobra Commander went through a series of more drastic redesigns before going back to essentially his first look from the Marvel comics, but again, looking familiar is something I’ve always appreciated this figure for. I think the only thing that makes him look a little off is the head sculpt: the eye-holes of his mask are a little large, which I think makes it look a bit sillier than it really should.

Cobra Commander included a tree of silver parts, featuring the Rock Viper’s PSG1 rifle, Incinerator’s flamethrower, Voltar’s machine-gun, the Toxo-Viper’s gun and the requisite stand and missiles for his red missile launcher. These parts are okay individually, but really suck for the figure. The silver plastic looks decent, so there’s some novelty value in being able to appropriate these parts off to other figures, but I have a hard time imagining anything Cobra Commander would do with them. I guess if you were to pretend the flamethrower has a small fuel tank on it, you could have him execute someone with it like a jackass. Personally, I wish he had been given one of the trees with a knife or pistol on it, since that would seem a little more appropriate to me.

As far as I know, this mold with the fully sculpted back never appeared again. Of the several times this mold was repainted in the 2000‘s, Hasbro always used the flat back from the Talking Battle Commanders version, which was unfortunate. The other iterations of this sculpt are all pretty good too, even the comic-pack figure was a little better than average compared to it’s contemporaries. Still, this one was already almost perfect, so the lot of them seem superfluous to me.

Pricing breaks down pretty simple for this version of Cobra Commander, a complete example runs around $20, and one that’s less than complete will go for about half of that. Until just a few years ago, this figure was worth about 50% less, but that’s about how it is with everything in the current market. I suppose it’s also possible that the Transformers crossover sets might’ve renewed some interest in this version, since this was the design that appeared in #139 with the Transformers crossover in the Marvel comics… I doubt that’s much of a factor though.

1993 Cobra Commander Links:

1992 Hidden Power Terminator (Kenner Terminator 2 Future Wars)

Posted on January 9, 2023 by mwnekoman

For this post, I’m changing my usual format to show the GI Joe relevant content first, as opposed to making you read to the end, while assuming that I’m converting this blog into a general category toy-nostalgia blog about brands I have low to no investment in. While I’m at it, I’ll review the figure too, since this post would be too short if I stopped at the accessories.

So the odd thing that prompted this post, is that ol’ Arnie’s gun of choice is none other than a modified version of the ‘91 Grunt gun. I discovered this really by chance, as when I found the gun in an old storage tub, I wondered what random ‘93 or ‘94 figure it went to. Instead, I discovered that the gun went to a toy from a different company, in a completely different toy line! Of course, the Kenner purchase happened mid-’91, so that’s probably why this happened.

As you can see, it’s nearly a complete clone of the sculpt, with only a few changes made. The peg holes that were present on Grunt’s gun have been filled in, but not in the same way as later Hasbro versions of the sculpt (also pictured). Of course, the lower receiver has been completely changed, so that way it has a handle that the larger Terminator figure can actually hold. Slightly in front of where a trigger should be, there’s some weird scarring and detail loss, which is present on all the copies I found on eBay as well. The sloppiness of the scarring seems to highlight the lack of effort that was put into this.

Other than that, Hidden Power Terminator is about what you’d expect from a goofy 90‘s movie tie-in. Just like the real Arnold Schwarzenegger, he has 5-points of articulation and gimmicks that might entertain for a few minutes. A few of these Terminator figures that Kenner made were kind of neat, but it’s a movie franchise I’ve found grating more often than not, so that’s about the extent of my interest in it.

It’s kind of funny to take a look outside of the Joe market at similarly old toys and see how much they’re worth. You can still get a MOSC Hidden Power Terminator for $10, which would probably be a fair price for a less than great, sealed Valor vs Venom toy at this point. Probably not a great comparison, since I really don’t think toy lines like this hold the same, enduring appeal that GI Joe does. At the same time, it’s funny to think about how a lot of niche 90‘s Joes weren’t worth that much either until just recently.

1991 Cleansweep

Posted on January 4, 2023 by mwnekoman

1991 Clean Sweep

Clean Sweep is, overall, probably my favorite figure from the entire Eco-Warriors subset. In the back of my mind, there’s always been this question as to why if he looks so much like Airtight, why wasn’t he a new Airtight? At the same time, one of his key characteristics that makes him worth remembering is that he was actually a new character, and not the second or third version of some guy from the line’s early days.

Speaking of which, I do think an area where 90‘s Joes lose out to 80‘s Joes, are the subsets. I think 80‘s figures overall are more memorable or distinct for the fact that novel specialties were represented often by one figure per year, instead of an entire carded assortment. This didn’t hurt DEF/Headhunters quite so bad, but most of Ninja Force is way more forgettable than the periodic Storm Shadow or Jinx. The same can be said for Eco-Warriors, where Clean Sweep and Ozone stand out a lot less well, just for the fact that you have Flint, Barbecue and Deep Six all doing essentially the same thing.

Getting back around to Clean Sweep, he’s a really well done figure. While I do like all of the Eco-Warriors, if I could only have one, it’d definitely be Clean Sweep. His yellow hazmat suit and it’s sculpted details come across to me as the most well-suited and appropriate looking of the lot, where as some of the others seemed like they were trying to find ways just to look different. It’s sharp and interesting without looking busy or like an X-men reject, which is something you can’t say for many of his contemporaries.

His colors are another one of his strong aspects. Sure, the green is quite a lot brighter than the traditional olive-drab, but it still looks good, and makes him cohesive with both Flint and Ozone. Having a mostly yellow suit in a nice medium tone is another thing I like, as this color really sells him as a hazmat guy, in a way that bright blue and ketchup red doesn’t do so well.

Probably the most integral accessory for Clean Sweep is his helmet. It’s weird, as unlike with the Toxo-Viper’s helmet and HEAT Viper’s missiles, Clean Sweep isn’t really ruined without it. Being a Joe, I can imagine a few play scenarios where showing his face off would be kind of fun, which is less the case with the other two. It’s also very nice that his helmet has a few bits of green on the trim and some light blue for his visor. I always appreciate painted helmets, since this really wasn’t standard for the vintage line, and I can think of plenty of contemporaries for this guy where having a painted helmet would’ve helped them a lot, like with Eco-Warriors Flint or DEF Shockwave.

Yet another thing I find to like about Clean Sweep is that all of his accessories are fairly well done, in addition to the helmet. Included is a pistol and a backpack with a control panel in neon green, his aforementioned helmet, and this huge, water-squirtin’ tank thing. I feel like Hasbro was still putting a lot more effort into the gimmick parts at this point, as opposed to the requisite and recycled launchers you more often saw in ‘93 and ‘94. I certainly don’t find this tank too captivating, but it was a nice pack-in, especially when you consider the fact that dumper vehicles like the Barracuda were available at around the same time.

Clean Sweep runs around $20 for a complete figure, sometimes a little more or less. Seems like a fair amount for what should be a very obscure character, but he looks good enough that if I ever wanted another, I wouldn’t be badly offended to pay that. Most of the Eco-Warriors come across to me as something nice for a change of pace, though Clean Sweep and Cesspool stand out as the must-haves from the lot. As the economy continues to crumble, you’ll probably see guys like this get a little cheaper in the coming months.

GI Joe Clean Sweep Eco Warriors 1991 Hasbro ARAH Cobra

Old photo from when I first started collecting. The embarrassing sharpie-marks on Mainframe’s computer were there when I bought him.

1991 Cleansweep Links:

1989 HEAT Viper

Posted on December 13, 2022 by mwnekoman

1989 HEAT Viper

‘89 Joes are ones I mainly know though my brother’s collection, and most of them stuck with me as the figures my brother had that weren’t horribly gaudy. In his collection, he had almost every figure released in that year, with the notable exception of the HEAT Viper. So when I got into buying vintage figures in my teenage years, this felt like a curious gap I was eager to fill. As it turned out, the HEAT Viper wound up being a figure I never really had a use for, despite my earnest intentions for him.

I really like the 1989 Joe line. Sure, there’s a few stinkers in the lineup, but more of the figures, and especially the Cobras, strike me as being innovative and fun. Among the figures that should be a lot of fun, is the HEAT Viper. He’s bright, has an exciting job (Cobra bazooka trooper), and tons of little gimmicky parts. Only none of these things are done well, and he really isn’t that much fun of a figure, unfortunately. The light-orange and purple colors don’t really hit as nicely as the Alley Viper did. His parts also tend to make him really, really cumbersome to handle, yet, they’re also integral to the figure (good luck if you lose some). Speaking of his accessories, his sculpt is covered in hardpoints and pegs for those, which leaves something to be desired, to say the least.

While the idea struck me as an interesting niche at first, one thing I’ve discovered with time, is that having a Cobra equivalent of Bazooka or Zap, isn’t something that finds a role all that often in my collection. I guess unlike those two, the HEAT Viper is a terrorist, and can find all sorts of nefarious things to do with his bazooka. Regardless of how you rationalize him, he’s basically a guy that shoots his rockets off and then that’s it. It seems like something fun, but I much prefer a Stinger or a Viper with a bazooka, to having a dedicated specialist for the role.

Although I don’t particularly hate the HEAT Viper in spite of his flaws, while writing this, I have come to the conclusion that this maybe the worst figure from his release year. Comparing him to the other bad figures from that year, he’d be among the likes of Annihilator and Dee-Jay from the single-cards, and Long-Range and Wild Boar if you count vehicle drivers. The vehicle drivers are pack-ins, so of course they’re a little more underwhelming, though I think overall the issues with his parts and clunkiness makes the HEAT Viper decidedly worse than Annihilator, and maybe slightly worse than Dee-Jay. Both of those are ugly figures too, but they don’t loose functionality in the way the HEAT Viper does, the Annihilator is a lot more fun with his parts, too.

A huge problem for this figure, is that he is essentially married to his parts. His kit includes a bazooka, a sculpted hose and generic black tube, six tiny missiles, and a backpack with some exhaust pipes on it. None of these parts are terribly exciting, though the figure doesn’t really work without them. The small missiles are a particularly perplexing decision. When taken off the figure, there’s nothing to do with them. I guess him running out of ammo was considered a play feature? Of course, most of the time they just got lost instead. When he’s fully decked with his gear, another huge problem is that he’s really clunky. It looks sort of okay, but it’s not easy striking a convincing pose with him. Speaking of which, I get the feeling that his bazooka was designed for use with a certain hand, but I’m not sure which. The card-art shows him using it in his left-hand, though it feels a little more comfortable in his right. Also, he has some kind of exhaust pipes from his backpack on his left hip, so it’s weird that his bazooka’s exhaust would be bumping into that.

Despite his problems, Hasbro made of number of repaints of this mold! He got an Undertow head in 2001 and became the Fast Blast Viper, who was subsequently painted red and tossed in the BJ’s 8-pack from ‘02. The original head then made a return to the figure for a Python Patrol version in the ‘03 Python Patrol 5-pack, with the peg on his helmet retooled to sit higher. Prior to all of this, he appeared in Brazil as Estilhaço, with slightly different colors.

HEAT Vipers are very common and not at all valuable, though mint, complete HEAT Vipers don’t actually show up all that often. Most of the time, you can find this figure with one or two of his missiles, but rarely all six. Still, even a complete figure is only worth around $15, which isn’t too much for something with parts as small as this. It’s also easy enough to just buy two with a few of their missiles and combine them to have one complete figure, as less than complete HEAT Vipers tends to only run around $7.

1989 HEAT Viper Links:

The Dragon Fortress

Half the Battle

Pint O’ Comics

2005 Cobra Night Watch Trooper

Posted on November 29, 2022 by mwnekoman

2005 Cobra Night Watch Trooper

Uncharacteristically for a 2000‘s GI Joe item, the entire Cobra Night Watch set is an example of a good idea with mostly good execution. In a time pretty long before TBM, Hasbro put out a set of Cobra Troopers and Officers in unique colors to represent a niche role. It’s something collectors wanted enough to make the aforementioned bootlegs extremely viable, though for whatever reason, Hasbro really only every touched the idea with this set.

Seventeen years later, I feel these are still holding up very well, even with so many excellent TBM Troopers floating around. That could always change, as the biceps on mine are a slightly different hue from the forearms. At the moment, that doesn’t bother me too much, though I’d absolutely hate for these to suddenly join the ranks of spontaneously discolored 2000‘s figures. Other than that bit of paranoia, they’re still a set of figures with great decos that maintain most of the classic Trooper sculpt, which is enough for me to like ‘em a lot.

In their original six-pack, you got four troopers and two different Squad Leaders, AKA: Cobra Officers. Of the Troopers, most were the same although one switches the normal Caucasian skin-tone for African, just like the other army-builder sets before this. Because I acquired my set piecemeal, I never got the black one since someone routinely bid-sniped me on every single auction I’ve ever tried for. I figured one day my patience would pay off and I’d complete my set, but instead everyone randomly became a toy collector and prices doubled.

Overall, the figures have a nice paint scheme. There’s camo on the pants and helmet, extra color on parts of the webgear, additional Cobra and Night Watch markings on their helmets and biceps. They did a good job of bringing out the little details on the sculpt, and it’s right at the perfect amount of paint before they’d start to look busy. If anything, the markings on the sides of the helmet might have been a bit too much, but it always feels a little unfair to fault a toy for having too much paint.

Like many of the Cobras from their time period, they feature V1 Roadblock’s arms and waist in lieu of the ‘83 Cobra’s. It makes them look a little chunky, but I don’t mind it much. The original lower arms were apparently still floating around, since Hasbro used them for the comic-pack Trooper, though this guy replaced them for Roadblock’s entire arm. Looking back, I sort of find it weird Hasbro switched the arms around for every Cobra Trooper they released back then (the Infantry Forces used Thunder’s arms), you’d think they would have settled on one replacement like they did with all the Viper repaints from back then.

Their accessories aren’t great, but they work. Included is the super generic ‘03 Overkill knife and Sand Viper’s G36 rifle, which was also the gun for nearly every other Joe and Cobra released between ‘03 and ‘05. Thanks to the pliable thumbs, the figures can at least use this gear, but it really does not do them justice. Then again, I suppose I should just give them credit for including guns at all, as Hasbro could’ve tossed in a bunch of ninja weapons like they did with the Shadow Guard.

Night Watch Troopers go between $10 and $20, with the accessories not playing a huge factor in that value. Even if you buy them in lots or the complete set, they tend to always average around $20 each, so when you occasionally get them for less, you’re doing good. These have always been pretty popular, so that’s not really surprising. $20 still feels like a lot for an ‘05 figure to me, but that’s in line with what a bootleg Cobra will cost you, so it makes sense.

2005 Cobra Night Watch Trooper Links:

1983 Torpedo

Posted on November 21, 2022 by mwnekoman

1983 Torpedo

While I don’t have a mint example of many of the figures from this year, I’ve occasionally contemplated that ‘83 might be my favorite line-up of GI Joe figures: at least from a minimalist point of view. A lot of the figures from this year were pretty plain and seem less remembered compared to the cast of the next two years, but in ways, that’s also their charm. Very ordinary and down to earth renditions of various military specialties, similar to the ‘82 guys, but with more personality and a lot less green. Torpedo very much falls into that.

With that said, Torpedo is by far probably the most no-frills, plain-jane diver you’ll find in this toy line, but I like that about him. This theme was done several times over between the Eels, Wetsuit, Hydro Viper and later the Battle Corps renditions of both Wetsuit and Shipwreck; with all of those figures you see a nice progression of play features and complexity that make them a tad more exciting than V1 Torpedo. At the same time, all of them are more fiddly, and definitely more busy looking than this figure, which I think is what gives him some staying power in my eyes.

As suggested, Torpedo’s sculpt is very basic with not a lot going on, he’s a guy in a wetsuit and that’s about it. Like with most early Joe divers, his diving mask is sculpted on, although unlike with later attempts, he has no hoses or anything to connect his respirator to his backpack. It makes him a little less interesting for a guy with a limited role, but it’s not a deal breaker. All of the other divers with their respirators look a tad more sophisticated, though that comes at the cost of a small and easily lost piece of rubber to complete their look. I’m not sure if this is a case of less is more, but it does make him a little easier to handle.

Torpedo features some pretty tiny feet, which I suppose represents his form-fitting wetsuit and lack of big bulky boots that most Joes wear. It’s sort of nice in some ways, though in today’s world it’s translated into a lot of figures with broken heels. There simply isn’t enough plastic there to last over time, especially with the suction caused by inserting and removing his flippers (look out for that). Foot pegs are something collectors are having to avoid more with time, though you don’t really hear about such a thing with the Snow Serpent’s snow shoes, so I think Torpedo’s just a little more worse off than usual.

For parts, you get a backpack, harpoon gun, and two flippers, in line with the simple kits seen in these early Joe releases. He has everything he needs, which includes some kind of weapon at the very least. GI Joe seems to interpret that most divers have a standard issue spear or harpoon gun for underwater combat, though to my understanding, no SEAL uses a weapon like this. As for his backpack, I’d like to point out that this is one of the first and rare examples of a figure with a painted part. The oxygen tanks have a nice splash or orange-red on them, which is a very eye-catching detail.

This mold has a lot of repaint potential that never really got tapped into. Funskool released the mold in three different colors, gray, blueish-gray and yellow. He was then repainted with the Cobra Night Landing as a ‘97 release, and came out again in similar colors to the original as Wet-Down in ‘01. The GI Joe club floated the idea of using this mold for Cobra Divers IIRC, though that never manifested and they promptly dumped the classic sculpts. Bootleggers like Red Laser Army got some good usage of his head for various figures, though I don’t think the entire mold was ever used. Guess if I want some repaints of him, I’ll have to do it myself.

A complete ‘83 Torpedo is worth around $15, and is not very hard to find at all. Truth is, that’s a little more than I expected him to go for, but it seems like a reasonable amount for an early Joe. Although mint ones are pretty plentiful, he does seem like a figure that’s prone to damage in a variety of ways. He’s also horribly boring and pretty useless without his parts, so that likely has an effect on his value too.

1983 Torpedo Links:

1987 Sky Sweeper (Battle Force 2000)

Posted on November 14, 2022 by mwnekoman

1987 Sky Sweeper (Battle Force 2000)

The weird thing about the Battle Force 2000, is that half of their vehicles are as lame as you’d expect, and half are cooler than they honestly should be. A great example of the later can be found in the Sky Sweeper, which has become a go-to vehicle in my GI Joe armory, and it even has a life away from the Battle Force 2000, too.

I have a slight fascination with the Battle Force 2000, which definitely makes me confront how much my tastes have changed over the years. When I was a kid and up through my early collecting years, I hated this group more than Cobra-La. The pulpy sci-fi aesthetic just seemed so chintzy and out of place to me. I remember looking at them online with my brother, who explained to me that in the comic they all died except Dodger; which sounded a lot cooler than it really was. That changed at some point years ago, though I still don’t like them a lot.

All of the original Battle Force 2000 vehicles had a gimmick, where you could combine pieces from each to form the Future Fortress. I have to give it some credit as an example of where the line kept trying to do new things and innovate, but this was a horribly corny and greedy idea (you had to buy EVERY vehicle to assemble the set). It’s also crappy, in that certain vehicles were more compromised than others to include a Future Fortress piece: This Sky-Sweeper has only a small block on the back, which looks fine, though the Marauder for example, fared less well. Then again, I’m really not sure what the Marauder was supposed to be in the first place, so maybe that one was just a bad idea overall.

That aside, the Sky Sweeper is an excellent vehicle, and by far my favorite anti-air vehicle (I like it better than the Armadillo and the Asp!). It’s the perfect size, with a similar profile to the ‘83 HISS, just trading some height for a little extra width. The guns are large and look powerful, with two side guns and a turret in the back, plus four missiles. Thanks to it’s nice size, the vehicle is fairly roomy, and it’s easy to fit any driver you want (including bulky figures like Knockdown), and there’s foot-pegs for several more commando friends to hitch a ride. Overall, it delivers a lot of play value for it’s size, and that’s probably the vehicle’s strongest point.

If there’s one thing I don’t like about this vehicle, it’s the turret on the back. At a glance it looks pretty good, though almost all of my issues with this toy revolve around this turret. There’s nothing there to hold the gun up, which means most of the time it just flops around freely. It also lacks any sort of control sticks for a figure to hold onto, meaning you just have to play pretend back there. Usually you can find a way to reason out the turret with no controls, though here it’s a fairly glaring flaw.

A surprisingly nice detail here is the clear orange headlights above the canopy. It’s strange and unusual for an ARAH vehicle to feature something so nice, when most headlights prior and after were represented by stickers. You didn’t even see this detail make a comeback much until 25th Anniversary, when clear plastic lights were added to the VAMP mold and the Arctic HISS. I’m sort of left wondering if the BF2000 vehicles had some gang-molded parts, as it would make a little more sense if the Sky Sweeper’s lights were just an extra tacked onto the mold for the Vector’s canopies.

I’m pretty mixed on the Battle Force 2000‘s signature colors, which you can see represented on the Sky Sweeper. On the plus side, the silver, green and blue mixture is pleasing to the eye and sets them apart from the sea of olive GI Joe vehicles that were still being pumped out to that point. With that said, silver is not really a realistic color for a tank, so it mildly requires more suspension of disbelief than some of the fluorescent colors you’d have seen in the 90‘s. Assuming the mold was still around, I think it’s a shame the Sky Sweeper never got a repaint, as a green/beige one could’ve been interesting as a beefed up Armadillo.

Sky Sweepers tend to run around $20, sometimes more or less depending on shipping, but it’s usually somewhere around there. Sadly, finding a complete one does require a fair bit of hunting. The antenna, headlights, and one or all of the missiles can often be missing. Truthfully, it’s not hurt too bad by not having the antenna or the missiles, but the headlights looks amazing, and you definitely don’t want to miss those.

1987 Sky-Sweeper (Battle Force 2000) Links:

3D Joes

2004 Red Ninja Viper

Posted on November 8, 2022 by mwnekoman

2004 Red Ninja Viper

Most of the TRU exclusive 6-packs from ‘03 through ‘05 were invalidated by the Black Major. Many of these were and still are cool figures, though often flawed in enough ways that a few years of high quality bootlegs could easily replace them. Such is the case with the Red Ninja Viper, as although TBM’s Storm Shadow bootlegs have some quality issues too, these figures are probably even worse. I find novelty value in these figures still, so here’s some paragraphs on what that is.

I was not buying GI Joe toys in 2004, so I missed out on the initial run of this guy as well as all of the other Valor vs Venom releases. I didn’t get to go to Toys R” Us often as a kid, so I didn’t even know about these sets until some time around ‘05. Had items like this been more available to me, I probably would’ve bought them. Back then, I wanted GI Joe figures that looked familiar and somewhat subdued like these, and not the more goofy looking things they were pumping out in the retail line (Venomous Maximus, eww…). That’s not to say I think Hasbro would’ve been better off relying on then 20 year-old molds for the main line, though the direction and overall branding with Valor vs Venom was a mistake that cost them my interest in the line.

The Red Ninja Viper has some pretty snazzy colors. He’s very drab and muddy compared to Agentina’s Satan or TBM’s Red Ninja. I’m sure at the time I might’ve been upset he wasn’t brighter and didn’t blend better with my vintage ninjas, but now I have TBM’s figure, so I can enjoy this guy as something different. It appears he has the same paint masks as the Black Dragon Ninja who also comes included in his set. This picks out all of the mold’s important details and even paints his gauntlet and arm-bands a separate color, which is nice. Also featured in his paint job is some ARAHC-style wash or paint-wipes. I think the figure would’ve looked better with clean plastic, but it doesn’t kill it for me.

The real downfall of this figure is that the plastic quality is complete crap. When I acquired my first pair, one of the figures immediately crumbled at the shoulder. Apparently, these having poor quality plastic is a fairly well documented issue, and it definitely lowers them a lot now that TBM’s figures are floating around. I would probably still be army-building this guy right now, but knowing there’s a chance the figure will spontaneously crumble does a lot to point my interest elsewhere. Feeling them in hand, the plastic is shoddier than even something like ‘97 line, and it wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration to say these are some of the worst feeling figures I’ve ever touched.

For parts, he includes only the bow and arrow from ‘02 Scarlet, ‘93 Snake Eye’s sword and knife, and the curved sword from ‘92 Nunchuck. You couldn’t have found a worse part to give this figure if you tried with the bow and arrow. They’re parts meant for Scarlet’s crossbow, so they look dumb and the figure can’t even use them. A figure like this is hurt for not including the original Storm Shadow accessories, but almost anything else would’ve been better than this. The other parts are okay comparatively, though there’s something to be said for how badly out of place it looks for a figure from nearly the beginning of the line, to be paired with parts from the end.

Red Ninja Vipers seem to hit around $15, usually with some amount of their generic gear (it’s hard to say what a “complete” figure is, since there’s two identical figures in the Ninja Cobra Strike Team, with separate sets of parts). I like the colors on this figure enough that I’m still tempted for more, but the quality being this bad kills that notion for me. Spending that much money on a figure that could crumble just while handling it seems like a really bad idea, especially when TBM figures are out there as an alternative.

2004 Red Ninja Viper Links:

Forgotten Figures

Joe A Day

Half the Battle

1992 T’Jbang

Posted on October 24, 2022 by mwnekoman

1992 T’Jbang

First, to make you feel old, I just realized that T’Jbang is thirty. That means if you’re older than T’Jbang, you’re a really old man now. Unlike you, I’m younger than T’Jbang, which might make you wonder why I run an 80‘s toy blog, but that’s another story for another time. Anyways, T’Jbang is an insane looking figure, and is simultaneously the best GI Joe and the worst GI Joe.

I’ve always been a pretty big fan of the Ninja Force. The gimmicks don’t bother me much, and a lot of them were some of my first GI Joe figures (I was born in ‘94, but my parents bought me Ninja Force and Star Brigade figures that were still floating around into ‘98). They put a bigger focus on the fun-factor, and as a kid, they could play out roles as anything from ordinary soldiers, to wrestlers and Power Rangers. I never read the comics or knew who any of these guys were supposed to be. I just made up my own adventures and had fun.

Recently, I’ve rectified my lack of media knowledge and have finally read through the later Marvel comics. The result of this is a better understanding of why grumpy older people hate Ninja Force. In the comics, they suck. They come out of no where, they’re goofy, and clearly are riffing too much off of the then popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Maybe it was something else, but colorful ninjas with attitude is a considerable leap from Storm Shadow or the Night Creepers.

Put that aside, T’Jbang is a fun figure. Although he’s a ninja, he definitely looks more like a wrestler to me, even now. I don’t mind that, he fits in well with Sgt. Slaughter, and it seems like a more appropriately colorful idea to have a ninja commando that moonlights as a masked wrestler. Visually, he comes off a lot stronger than Banzai or Dojo, which probably makes him one of the more memorable figures from the subset. There’s enough detail on him to make him stand out. My favorite part is his rather detailed yellow mask, with tiger print on it. Most of what you see on him is some more standard ninja aesthetics, with big shin-guards and arm gauntlets, but the mask is unique and looks pretty good.

Of course, like all Ninja Force figures, T’Jbang has an action feature. Similar to Dice and Zartan, you can twist him at the torso and he springs back into position, similar to a punch or a sword swing. Although it’s a shame that a ninja of all things loses some articulation, he’s not as harmed by the gimmick as figures like Snake Eyes. Of course, once his o-ring rots away, the figure has to be cracked in half or extensive mods have to be done to fix him. I really hate that, though as a toy it’s not a terrible concept, since most o-rings will outlive the amount of years a kid would spend playing with toys.

For added interest, his accessories are a sword, and a double-bladed hook sword. Hook swords are sometimes called hu tou gou, or tiger head hook, so there’s a tiger connection that goes with the mask. It’s also interesting that this weapon is Chinese in origin, so T’Jbang has learned Wushu to go with his ninja training. Oddly, hook swords are usually used akimbo, but T’Jbang’s is one weapon, combined. Because of that, I’m not sure if it’d really work the same, or all that well at all, but I suppose that’s all apart of his secret style. Sadly, it’s a little hard for him to hold because of it’s design. The other sword is plain and works better, but is also boring. Both parts are powder blue, but this figure already looks nuts, so he’s not any worse for that.

T’Jbang is worth about $5, complete. I’ve warmed up to this figure in a lot of ways, but I’m not blind to the ways he’s also an awful toy. He’s a nobody with a corny character, and his outlandish toy is doomed to eventually fall apart and require a dreadful repair. He’s practically worthless for a good reason, but I can’t find it in myself to hate this figure. He’s still fun in a very innocent, juvenile kind of way.

1992 T’Jbang Links:

Forgotten Figures

3D Joes

Half the Battle

2022 Retro Cobra Officer

Posted on October 17, 2022 by mwnekoman

2022 Retro Cobra Officer

So, it’s time for me to dip my toe into talking about Hasbro’s Retro series, which I’ve yet to do here. Given that others brands have done reissues/semi-reissues to some success, I was a big advocate for something like the Retro line to happen, so far I’m glad that it has. It’s nice to have o-ring GI Joes back in the new decade, especially after the 2010‘s where we didnt’t get hardly a single official figure. For reasons, my first (and so far, only) purchase from this line has been the Cobra Officer and Trooper 2-pack.

My main feeling is that so far this line is horribly botched. It was baffling that we went so many years without classic Joes, while Transformers, Ghost Busters, Star Wars, MOTU and countless other 80‘s brands had some variety of classic line or reissues. Then Hasbro announces the Retro series, and all we get is a trickle? My personal feeling is that they’re holding out to create a greater sense of false-scarcity and perpetuate a consumerist cycle of “PREORDER IMMEDIATELY OR REGRET IT FOREVER ONCE IT’S GONE!”. Sorta like how with the Classified figures, people pay hundreds for the shit while it’s hot, with seemingly no concept that Hasbro will just keep making more of the same characters or just rerelease the more popular ones. It’s all about keeping you in an anxious lull that you’ll lose your one desperate reprieve from your sad and probably overworked life.

I love the original Cobra Officer mold, but it does have a very distinct flaw in the way that he virtually can’t hold a gun. It’s easy enough to give that figure a pass, since even the swivel-arm version is still one of the very first Joe molds. Still, this presented a great opportunity for the new figure, as being made of softer materials gives me a Cobra Officer that can do a little more and pose with his weapon.

Of course, the downside is that they screwed up the sculpt and the figure now can barely bend at the knee. In the era of 3D-printing and rapid prototyping, you really get a sense for how little anyone cared while making this, as a flaw this serious could have easily been fixed early on. I don’t regret the purchase, but I do have a lot of contempt for a premium “collectible” with so little care put into it. This is reinforced by the bazooka bonus-accessory, which is curiously missing it’s sight. Almost like they bought a broken one off eBay and 3D-scanned it without noticing that the sight was gone.

Speaking of premium pricing, the quality of the set relative to it’s price-tag is another picking point. At $40, you’re paying $20 each for the two figures. Pricing on modern Hasbro offerings is becoming an increasingly contentious topic for collectors. To a degree you can’t be too fussy, as infinite money printing has some serious consequences, and unfortunately, toys aren’t the only thing that’s doubling in price compared to just a few years ago. At the same time, Hasbro is a market leader, and a horribly, horribly greedy company. Check out their recent promise to increase their profits by 50% in three years. Makes you wonder how they’re going to pull that off.

A lot of people have had issues with the Cobra Officer having stressed elbows in the package. Fortunately, I wasn’t one of those people, though, my Trooper did have a Funskool-tier paint app on his knee, where the black paints runs from the knee onto the boot. Premium indeed, though for the most part I didn’t have many quality issues with this figure. Hopefully I can preorder another one in ‘24 once this one begins to spontaneously turn green and crack all over.

For accessories, you get the Officer’s classic AK-47, just like with the original. As well, there’s two little paper bags of crap in the bottom of the box. Inside the bags, you’ll find Zap’s Bazooka, Short-Fuze’s mortar, Grunt’s M-16, Rock & Roll’s M-60, Stalker’s M-32, a broken AK-47, and a pair of figure stands, all recreating the gear that the Trooper and Officer had from the obscure Sears/JC Penny 3-pack and a few other odd releases. Superficial, but a nice way to increase the value if nothing else. The parts look nice outside of the broken AK, and I enjoy having these extras to spread around my collection, similar to the great gift we all received when TBM forever saturated the Joe world with reproduction AK’s and Dragunovs.

Also, since I had to pay a premium for it, I’m going to take an extra moment to criticize the packaging. So, I don’t think I’d point to Star Wars fans as people Hasbro treats very well. Though, I have to say I think there’s a stark difference between the care put into The Vintage Collection’s packaging, and what you see on these figures, as well as most other retro-themed GI Joe offerings. A pedantic Star Wars nerd will quickly notice something as minuscule as poor font formatting on a character’s name, and often, Hasbro has rectified such issues before release. For Joe, you see no such attempt to make things right. The first thing you see on the fancy-pants box, is that the Trooper and Officer have their weapons switched. The cards inside are also full of egregious changes. No white border on the outside of the card. The text at the top “fully posable modern army figure” is gone. No text to the side describing the accessories. The card-back and filecard has so many languages on it, that it manages to say nothing in every language of the world. Would’ve been nice if for all of that money, you got a more accurate card, or at least a pre-cut filecard in English as a pack-in.

As of this writing, you can still get this set from Hasbro Pulse for it’s original price of $42.99. For comparison, the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow set that sold out in about a month in ‘21 has seen scant value accumulate for sealed copies, while the loose figures go for much less. I do not think these will become very expensive any time soon, which is nice, given they are already too expensive. I think it can be reasoned that these are decent things to purchase, but for a brand with a legacy like GI Joe, Hasbro could do better in a lot of ways.

2022 Retro Cobra Officer Links:

Forgotten Figures

HISS Tank